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Love, the single most powerful, happy emotion
that human beings can have. It brings us together, it links us to each other,
makes us all feel alive and joyous and wanted. Love is responsible for music,
art and culture in one way or the other.
It also screws us over, leaves us
dizzy and betrayed, causes wars and death, murder and anarchy.
Love, we have
a love/hate relationship with it.
And now that we've had a little rave about
that, let's take the next logical step and begin talking about Pokemon.
Below are our own opinions and observations of the different forms of
love to be found in the human characters starring in the cartoon Pokemon.
We haven't written anything about the loving relationships between
Pokemon and humans because they're fairly obvious to all concerned, every one
can see the love between Ash & Pikachu but the ones between the humans can
be more subtle and difficult to see, unless you have one hell of a lot of time
on your hands, a strange mind and a friend with equal amounts of both that you
can bounce ideas of.
So we present our observations and opinions
(although we're right, we're legally obligated to say it's an opinion or
Nintendo will have our ass') on love and
Pokemon.
Professor Samuel Oak and Delia Ketchum
Okay, all right already, let's just cut through all the crap and get
down to the brass tacks.
Who the hell does Professor Oak think he's
fooling?
How many times now has Ash come home or rung his mother and
discovered that Professor Oak 'just happens to have come around' for one reason
or the other.
Pokemon 3 the Movie is PROOF POSITIVE that what we have been saying since day 1 is true.
Simply, Delia was a little tart, Oak is a sordid randy old bugger, and Ash is the fruit of his loins.
Exhibit A: A photograph that Delia keeps on her fridge, one of her as a young, innocent, fresh, un-spoiled, pure, naive girl, a younger but by no means less randy, sordid , filthy and dirty Oak......... and that dodgy guy who turns into an Entei.
Cheerished memories of happier, more carefree, childless times.
Oak would introduce Delia to "special substances" to which she became hooked and of which the Officer Jenny's were paid off to turn a blind eye. An arrangement that still stands.
But another photo exists. This one Delia does not have in her possession. A scandelous photo. One that could wind up on the cover of The National Enquirer.
A photo taken a few years after the first. Oak, and Delia and between them, the result of the night Delia forgot to take her pill.
Hit hard by the news, the young, un-wed mother-to-be turned more to her only friend in the world - crack, unaware of what effect that might have on her unborn son.
Tragically she would become addicted to the drug, causing her to forget if she had 2 sons who were Mr. Mimes.
The child was born. Could this be the downfall of Professor Oak?
A cover up and an imaginary Pokemon master father later and he still had his membership to the Freemasons.
But this liason between a respectable town professor and a choice piece of ass didn't stop there. No. By all accounts it became more ghastly as the years progressed.
Oak and Delia, burining with lust would seize every opportunity to get their son out of the house for a good hour or two, dropping him of to play with Oak's legitimate grandson Gary. Gary himself has been aware of the existance of his much younger uncle for many years.
But then, what luck, a chance to be rid of the bastard son in what all would observe as a seemingly innocent way.
Send the 10 year old boy out, on his own, to wander the countryside, to traverse the islands, to travel the land and catch animals in little red balls and, in the tradition of all good dog fights and cock fights, kill all those that stand in their way.
A simple and surprisingly effective idea.
The child out of the way, Oak and Delia could now continued with their drugged-up sex orgy rampage of Pallet Town.
But they could not keep this kid at bay forever. Sooner or later they were bound to run into him, wether he had returned home after a championship, or Delia needed to see her son so she could remember what he looked like, or when he would call on the video phone. And where Delia went, Oak just happened to be there too. Whenever the boy phoned Oak, his mother wasn't to far away. Whenever he returned home, they had to get rid of him again.
They named him Ash. And they love him very much. But only when he is not around.
The questions have always been there.
Did they just want Ash out of the way so that they could stop
'bumping' into each other and start bumping something else?
How many of her sons birthdays has Delia missed?
Do they show up to a tournament to cheer Ash on in hope he will win and then travel even more extensivly with disillsuiosn of grandeur?
Or do they show up to a tournament to cheer Ash on in hope he will lose and the travel even more extensivly with the hope of gaining more experience?
Or both?
Why does Oak show such interest in Ash when his own grandson
Gary is so much more successful than Ash?
Is it because at some point he might become Ash's step-dad?
maybe the stories about Ash's father being a great Pokemon trainer aren't true, maybe Ash's father isn't dead or separated from Delia?
Maybe, just maybe, Ash's Dad is alive and well and living in Pallet Town, sitting in a
laboratory and doing research into Pokemon, having a secret relationship with
Delia to avoid a scandal (after all, Prof. Oak is rich - he has huge
amounts of land, makes million dollar bets on a whim with his Grandson and does
bear a passing resemblance to Ash - and perhaps an affair with a younger woman would damage the good name of Oak?)
We long for the day when Ash comes home from some journey, walks tiredly up his stairs and pushes the door of his
mother's room open to ask her a question and finds Professor Oak sitting in her
bed with no shirt on, eating a piece of toast.
Why? Because we can just
see Professor Oak not reacting in the slightest, just smiling and saying, "Oh, hello Ash, I just happened to be around and spilled some juice on my shirt, your
mother kindly offered to clean it for me and made me some breakfast.... oh yes,
and I was feeling tired so I hopped into bed."
In what may be the funniest Pokemon ever, Holiday at
Aopulco where James puts on a bikini, from what we understand Ash bumps in to his mother and Professor Oak, in what has to be the worst hawaiian shirt ever, hanging out on the beach together, so what excuse does Professor Oak have for this?
Probably none in the Japanese version but we bet if it was ever literally translated to English he'd be saying, "Why hello Ash, what a pleasant surprise. I just happened to be wandering along the beach and...."
Well, you get the point.
Not content with their sordid affair, Delia takes a Mr. Mime into her home. For what? To keep house while she is over at Oak Love Den? Or to join in their their basement antics?
Maybe both.
Whichever, Mr. Mime is very, very content.
Yes Oak has even involved Ash's pokemon in his filty antics. Heracross has a skill, test on Bulbasaur, that is most useful to Oak.
And then scandal upon scandal, it becomes Oak's turn to bring another into their fray.
A young boy, an innocent, a talent artist with an unhealthy, and ultra-convenient obession with the legend of the professor.
This boy becomes his "assistant", and is (almost) never heard from again.
Others are drawn into the camp. Oak is a man of legend, of money and power. Soon fellow professor Ivy and old friend Kurt are involved whith Ash becoming a gun runner for Oak by carrying the infamous Gratuitous Sex Ball from one end of the country to another. A ball which conveniently could not be opened until it had reached it's destination.
Yes the saga of Oak, Delia and Ash's paternal origins is a story fit for George Lucas with a rating of Ralph Bakshi.
As the torid affair or Oak and Delia gathers steam and is kept well hid from Ash, one can only wonder for how long can this secret be kept?
Ash, Misty & Brock - Just good
friends?
Ash and Misty's first
meeting was not an auspicious one, a beaten and tired Ash bursting into a clearing clutching a half-dead Pikachu and stealing her bike.
After that, the young red-head with a temper to match chases him to a Pokecentre where
we first met Nurse Joy and a very, very different Team Rocket to the ones we now know and love.
They're actually evil, James is sinister and Jesse
contemptuous and Meowth really, really annoying.... but enough of everyone's favourite comic villains, back to the heroes.
Misty starts following Ash around, ostensibly so that he can buy her a new bike, and Ash and Pikachu tend
to ignore her, finding her annoying.
But then they come across a
Caterpie and Misty hugs Ash in terror, screaming for him to get rid of it, Ash
pretends to be irritated with her but the seeds have been sown.
Entering
a new town, they encounter Brock who comes across as a dark, mysterious
trainer, almost like a Zen Monk with his eyes firmly shut yet seeing everything.
And then suddenly he's wearing an apron and cooking and cleaning for his
ten brothers and sisters and laughing as he becomes what he has always wanted to be, a mother. And Ash, being motherless himself now, is just what that Brock needs.
Ditching his family to his dead-beat Dad he chases Ash and Misty and claims that he wants to join Ash on his journey, beginning a rivalry for Ash's affections between
himself and Misty.... who just might want to grow closer to Brock.
Of course, Brock's devotion to Ash may just be his
mothering tendencies coming out.
Ash is a ten year old in every sense of
the word, often acting very childishly and getting into trouble, needing a mother to get him out of it, which is where Brock arrives to save the
day.
But the romantic tension between Ash and Misty is very real, it's just
that they don't know it yet.
Perhaps the old Oak genes do indeed flow through Ash's veins.
We see signs of this
strange love triangle come up in a great many episodes.
When trapped in a fog, Brock suggests it might be a good idea to hold hands, and Ash and Misty
instantly do so, leaving Brock by himself, calling out for who to hold his
hands? ASH!
Several times when Brock (very obviously a virgin) sees a beautiful girl and makes that goofy face of his, Misty angrily
arrives on the scene and drags him away, smashes him across the head knocking some sense into him and, in one case, drops to her knees and almost cries.
Brock makes the patented goofy face and Ash comments that with different hair, this beautiful girl would
look like Misty, making the red-head blush and giggle.
After Brock escapes a Ghastly's manipulations to make him fall in love with a ghost, the three celebrate at a local dance where Misty dresses herself up in a kimono and
does up her hair.
When Ash sees her he kind of inhales and his eyes grow wide, then he agrees to dance with her.
Relaxing in a hot pool before a battle with Blaine, the partition tumbles down to reveal Misty scantly clad in only a towel and the boys, well we can only see down to their waists. A moments pause. A couple of confused looks. And then a girlish scream.
Holiday in Aopulco is where we first see the kids in swimming costumes. Or in Ash's case Go-Go boy pants.
Misty, all keen to test out her new swimming attire is shot down by Ash with a comment that she could still pass for a boy.
Lost in the snow, Ash is separated from Misty and Brock who apparently
spend the night together in a hot pool, which must have been very interesting for both of them.
And the clincher, Misty finally letting her true feelings for Ash show after rejecting the handsome and talented, and probably rich Rudy to show support for Ash. We will all remember those immortal words; "She....wants...him"
but Brock's love for his team is fickle and after he leaves the
others to cook and clean for 2 big tits and her three lesbian research
assistants (real!) Ash and Misty are captured by Jesse and James, who suddenly
realise that Brock is missing.
James squeals girlishly in delight and
proclaims that they've captured a couple of very romantic creatures in their cage.
Ash and Misty turn and look at each other in
shock, taking a moment to consider this possibility.
Then they blink and turn away angrily as their innermost feelings are revealed by Jesse & James, calling them crazy, Misty proclaiming, "Never in a million years!"
Jesse
and James scream with laughter, clutching their stomachs as Jesse cries out, "But
you're blushing!" and James mocks, "Kissy, kissy!" as Meowth lies on the floor
laughing, pounding his fist against the floor.
Ash reacts in a typically
childish fashion, ramming against the bar and lashing uselessly out at them, crying out that it's not true and trying to break free.
As with most
boys his age when attraction is revealed, they react with anger to hide their embarrassment and he commands Pikachu to blast them, which it can't because they're in a blimp and that would blow them all up.
Melody from Pokemon the second movie passed the comment about Ash being Misty's boyfriend. A statment she flatly denied. I mean, boys are icky.
She herself came on to Ash. Misty of course was fuming. but like all girls her age she denied it.
Misty was swapped for Jesse. Having a fully developed woman around was a concept neither of the boys could fathom.
They were soon joind by Tracey who recognised the sexual tension from day one, but was stupid enough to open his mouth incurring the wrath of the twerps.
never again would he make that mistake.
Tracey being no threat to any of them has no intrest in Ash or Misty and simply uses them to hithc a ride to Professor Oak (see above section). Brock soon return unable to pass up an oppertunity to cook, clean and wash after his ward.
Their journeys continued and signals have been appearing in episode after episode.
Misty is gone and with it the future of Palletshipping. Memories are all that exists.
Ash is now a little older, but no wiser and it has meant the introduction of another character; May.
Will we be seeing a new breed of shipping emerging from this partnership? We can only wonder.
Jesse and James
These two obviously love each other, but it's a different
kind of love to that written above. we would almost call these two... no, in
fact we WILL call these two exactly what they are.
Girlfriends.
The evidence is to strong to support any other theory. No love is shared in Team Rocket and no love is lost.
Jesse's one true love is her hair.
And that's all we have to say about that.
For more on the topic of Rocketshipping go here.
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![[Anime Web Turnpike]](gifs/trixie1a.gif)
Pokemopolis supports the practice of Safe Sex
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