The Future Is Not Your Friend


When we last saw our heroes (I have to say that so the bad bad Nazi sword-swallower man 
won't show up) they had traveled through time. Time is such a horrible bad thing. This
story is no exception. 


Ash: But even dogs need a little cocaine now and then...

Brock: Yes, but is it illegal for dogs to buy cocaine?

Chubbo: Not in Amsterdam. You can buy anything there.

Misty: How did we get onto the subject of cocaine?

JASMINE: Okay, now let's go somewhere else...

Ash: Why? Why, woman? WHY must you always change scenes?! Especially when I am 
tal-

On Cinnabar Island:

Ash: Okay. This is getting a little ridiculous. What say we make a d...

In Cerulean City:

Misty: Ash, when are you gonna give me back my bike?

Ash: What is 7 plus apple?

Brock, who has finally snapped, punches Ash in the back of the head.

Everyone but Ash: HOORAY!

Suddenly, it begins to snow. Santa Claus appears in the distance. 

Misty: Oh, boy! A Christmas special!

Yes, once again we find a special for a Christian holiday on a Japanese cartoon, despite the 
fact that more than 98% of all Japanese people are Shinto, and the fact that it is obvious that 
the real Santa is Chubbo Tracey, as he is the only person in the world who is fat enough to 
pull it off.

Chubbo: HEY! I heard that!

Stud: Wait. How does he fit through the chimney?

JASMINE: There are no fireplaces in Japan. The houses are built so close together that
they insulate each other, much like the layers of fat on Tracey's back, thus explaining
why he never ever ever wears a jacket.

Gary: Oh Ash! I have a special message for you! You are the bastard child of your mother 
and my grandfather, Professor Oak.

Ash: WHAT?!

JASMINE: Gary, you didn't travel to the future with us!

Gary: So? You haven't done anything even relating to the future! You didn't even tell us who that weird girl is! 

Ash: Wait! I'm a bastard?

Gary: 'Fraid so. 

Ash: Uh...what's a bastard?

Tracey, after finishing eight packages of Rolos, a bottle of Yoo Hoo and an ice cream
sundae, looks up.

Tracey: This is a really stupid story.

JASMINE: YOU'RE a really stupid story!!!

Brock, who has finally snapped, punches Ash in the back of the head.

Everyone But Ash: HOORAY!

Misty: I know! Let's make a soft drink commercial like Britney Spears!

Girl with purple hair: Then let's kill ourselves?

Ash: Aren't you a happy person.

Freaky Fat Samurai Boy: She is a very cranky girl, and.......THE BEEDRILS! 

Girl with purple hair: Um, the beedrils died out, remember?

Ash: WHAT'S A BASTARD?!

Girl with purple hair: You are a bastard. I am a bastard.

JASMINE: What the hell is your name, anyway?

Girl with purple hair: My name is peanut butter.

Brock, who has finally snapped, punches Ash in the back of the head.

Everyone But Ash: HOORAY!

And so that concludes our time in the future. See you next-

Ash: There!!! Now it's my turn to interrupt you!!!

Misty: Ash?

Ash: Wha-at?!

Misty walks over to Ash, kisses him on the cheek, and yells F*CK ME!!!

Freaky Fat Samurai Boy tries to kiss "peanut butter", but she slaps him into next
February.

Ash: Uh, sure, Misty. I'll f*ck you....but, uh, you gotta explain how.

Brock, who has finally snapped, punches Ash in the back of the head.

Everyone But Ash: HOORAY!

THE END