Pokemopolis - 'cause Pokemon is NOT a Childrens Cartoon


	Ash Ketchum has come a long way, but he really hasn't gotten anywhere. We were first introduced to Ash Ketchum in the very first episode of Pokemon, which seemed appropriate given he is the show's main character. He proclaimed to the world that he was Ash Ketchum, and that he WAS going to become a Pokemon Master. Well that is all well and good, but we as viewers soon came to realise something about Ash, something a little different to most main characters in cartoons. Ash is an idiot. From the very first episode we seem him approach life in his ass-backwards fashion. On his tenth birthday he is finally old enough to get a Pokemon license but he shows up to local expert Professor Oak's place too late to pick one of the usual three Pokemon starters - Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle. He also fails to get dressed (showing up to Oak's in his pyjamas), fails to connect with his Pokemon - Pikachu - and fails to get away without being humiliated by his hated rival, Gary. But we also learn something else about Ash, something that ensures someone as stupid as him could make it to his tenth birthday without choking to death on a plastic bag. Ash is incredibly lucky. Shipped off into the world by his mother with nothing but a clean change of underwear and a reluctant yellow rat, Ash should have shown up back in town floating facedown in the river by the end of the day. Instead he manages to - despite pissing off a swarm of Spearow - form a friendship with Pikachu that will last through the entire run of the series. Within a few episodes he has made friends with a fiery redhead called Misty despite destroying her bike and met a new mother-figure in Brock, who leaves his extended family in the care of his crack addict father to follow a ten year old boy around the world. With dogged, unrelenting and mindless obsession Ash pursues his goal of becoming a Pokemon Master by competing about Gym Leaders for the eight badges that will gain him entry into the Indigo League Tournament, which is the most prestigious Pokemon Tournament in the world. Somehow he succeeds, despite an amazing level of stupidity that sees him fail to realise that there is a reason why is mother is always hanging around with Professor Oak. He defeats Gym Leader after Gym Leader, gains new Pokemon (including the earlier mentioned Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle) and somehow finds his way to the Indigo League. That is where it all goes pear-shaped. After what must have been months of struggle against other trainers, Pokemon Gym Leaders, Team Rocket and deadly Pokemon.... Ash reaches the Indigo League and he loses! That by itself is forgiveable and in fact understandable. He's a young brash Trainer with little experience and it stands to reason there would be better, more experienced Trainers who would thrast him. Except that Ash wasn't beaten by any of those. Ash got beaten by Richie. Alot could be written about Richie, but suffice it to say he is a boring, stale imitation - a clone even - of Ash. He's the perfect little boy and he sucks, and the fact that it is him that defeats Ash (thanks in part to inteference by Team Rocket and disobedience by the mighty Charizard) is a kick in the face. What makes it even worse is that Richie then goes on to take an ass-whupping in his very next match leaves the Indigo League as a whole a complete and total non-event. Ash is in shock, his dream of being a Pokemon Master in his first year was of course never a possibility, but he was too dumb to realise that and having his world-view destroyed is not a pleasant feeling. Luckily for him he is also a bit too dumb to stay morose for long, and after making up with Richie for being such a sucky-suck-suck-sucker, he, Misty and Brock set off to continue on thier Pokemon Journey. That is where we realise something else about the ridicolously obtuse Ash. Ash is an Action Hero. With the Indigo League behind him, Ash and his friends are sent to visit noted Pokemon Researcher (and massive pair of breasts) Professor Ivy, where Ash is gifted with the GS Ball and Brock - hypnotised by the breasts and three lesbian research assistants - decides to remain with Ivy. Ash and Misty continue on and after an encounter with Team Rocket - during which time Team Rocket suggest the two twerps might be in luuuuuurvvvv - find themselves crash-landing on the Orange Islands and encountering a blob that terrifies off the local hoodlums and then oozes towards Ash and Misty to... oh, it's Tracey! Joined by Tracey, Ash decides to compete in The Orange Islands League despite Professor Oak wanting the GS Ball. Since Oak is happy enough to get his Gratuitous Sex without help of the ball, Ash continues on with Misty and Tracey and Ash finds himself going to further and further extremes to get what he wants. Whether it's leaping onto moving cars, copping a cheap feel of Jesse's breasts, leaping off of cliffs, thrown about by exploding Magikarp torpedoes, placating a scared Misty when giant Magikarp's leap out of ponds, trying his damndest to hold his breath forever underwater, going kayaking in a hurricane, climbing a mountain free-style, skidding down some mountain on an ice-sled and leaping up huge ramps, standing in the path of a lumbering Snorlax, resisting Jigglypuffs song and putting Snorlax out and causing massive property damage in the process, telling a couple of ghosts that a Trophy belongs in a Museum ala Indiana Jones, bravely challanging a half dead Scyther to a fight, perpetuating a cycle of self-destruction by helping evil drug-dealers get their shipment in, bravely proclaiming vengeance on a shit-eating Bulbasaur in some sewers, directing his Pokemon to destroy targets in order to do away with a rival to Misty 's affections, leaping to save his Pikachu from a far fall off a huge cliff, climbing free-style up a giant mountain to rescue Pikachu from an overgrown Pidgeot, leaping down a cliff to track down his Pikachu, leaping dramatically off yet another cliff to save Pikachu from a Rhyhorn, posing and throwing out one liners as he desperately attempts to make his Charizard fight a Poliwrath or flying through an underground tunnel on a Charizard's back to save a Poke-Napped Pikachu, it's all in the name of impressing a certain red-headed beauty, all in the mis-guided hope of getting a little hot Misty -loving..... Ash is a true Action Hero. It seems to work for him too, since ASH WINS THE ORANGE ISLANDS LEAGUE! Yes, Ash washes away the bitter despair of defeat in Indigo with victory on the Orange Islands. His victory is immediately followed with a proclamation that he can't wait to show Brock, and they quickly head back to Indigo, reunite with Brock, dump Tracey and hand the GS Ball over to Professor Oak. By now we have met Ash the Idiot and Ash the Action Hero, but it is at this time that we meet the most boring, mind-numbingly infuriating aspect of Ash's personality. Ash the Time-Waster. Ash is informed by Professor Oak that a new region has opened up recently, known as Johto (when the series initially began there were only 150 Pokemon and the only known region was apparently Kanto). At Johto are a whole bunch of new and never before seen Pokemon, and there is also a different tournament known as The Johto League Championship where Ash can try once again to become a Pokemon Master. So Ash heads out with Misty and Brock once more on a Pokemon Journey, this time to the new land of Johto with Team Rocket close behind and the young boy apparently all too eager to get to Johto. But that is a lie. For Ash then proceeds to do his best to kill the Pokemon Franchise with two plus years (not in-show time obviously, but real time) of the most boring, drawn out and filler-filled episodes of the entire Pokemon series. Ash and his friends proceed to stop at every single possible distraction they meet and help out the "character of the day" in their boring lives, driving the viewers insane with boredom and rage as the "quickly impending Johto League Championship" never seemed to get any closer, and Ash kept allowing himself to be distracted over and over again for the most petty, pathetic crap, even leaving his quest for the Johto League Championships to compete - and lose! - in the Whirl Islands Cup. But eventually even Ash must reach his goal, and he arrived at the Johto League Championships where we discovered that in addition to being Ash the Idiot, Ash the Action Hero and Ash the Time-Waster, Ash is also..... Ash the Loser. Yes, Ash makes it once again to a big tournament, and once there he defeats old rival Gary to finally put their long held rivalry to bed. Things are looking good for him, and then he loses again following a long drawn out battle of held animation-cells against an opponent called Harrison. Ash had placed 16th in Indigo - not bad for a first shot - won the Orange Islands - impressive, but a backwater, small-time tournament - lost in the Whirl Islands Cup to Misty - who herself went on to lose - and then got to Johto and.... lost, placing eighth. Yes, after all these years (probably 2-3 in-show years) Ash has succeeded only in winning one of the tournaments he has taken place in, and that was a little backwater islands league. He lost in Indigo, he lost in the Whirl Islands, he lost in Johto, and to make it worse..... all the people who beat him went on to lose in the very next match! So Ash keeps on losing to losers, making his long held dream of becoming a Pokemon Master seemingly stretching further out of his reach. But Ash has seemingly matured since that first episode where he showed up to pick up a Pokemon in his pyjamas. We have met Ash the Idiot, Ash the Action Hero, Ash the Time-Waster, Ash the Loser, but now we are introduced to a new kind of Ash. Ash the Guru. Yes, Ash returns from Johto and discovers all of his friends are leaving him. Misty is recalled to her sisters in Cerulean City, Brock gets called home to Pewter City and suddenly Ash finds himself stripped of all his friends, a loser in life who doesn't even have the rivalry of Gary to fall back on anymore as the young man who may in fact be his older nephew gives up on his dream of being a Pokemon Master to become a Pokemon Expert like his Grandfather Professor Oak. So Ash is left with no one (he ignores Tracey!) but Pikachu, and so he does what so many have done in his place. He starts anew. Yes, Ash removes all signs of the old - his clothes, his Pokemon, his friends and family - and taking only Pikachu from his old life he heads for the home of Harrison - who beat him in the Johto League - he heads for Hoenn. He is beginning a new life, leaving behind the old and beginning the new in an almost Guru-like way. This is only reinforced when he meets, befriends and is accompanied by first May and then Max who look to him for guidance and advice on their own personal journeys. Ash is rejoined by Brock and seems to have an inner peace and confidence to replace the bluff and bluster of his earlier journeys. Yes, Master Ketchum might not be such an impossible goal anymore, because Ash is acting more and more like a Master, and it is in the being that sometimes, you become..... except for one thing, Ash isn't actually the Guru May and Max believe him to be, and as the series continues we realise that they (and we) have made the same mistake that many in the past have made and mistaken simple naivity for enlightenment. Ash may show in Hoenn he is still an Action Hero and a Time-Waster, he definately proves in the Hoenn League that he is still a Loser, but as for a Guru? Now, as Ash heads back to Kanto in a full circle of his journey thus far, we realise that Ash is no Guru, he is in fact still what he was when he began. Ash is an Idiot.				Pokemopolis supports the practice of Safe Sex