Pokemopolis - 'cause Pokemon is NOT a Childrens Cartoon

Casting went out a few months back in England for the Pokemopolis British comedy version of a live-action Pokemon film.
Pokebomb, Jokemon, and Dodgymon are now a few years old and DMs Tim and Lex thought the time was right for a new motion picture with new characters and featuring an all-funny cast from some of our favourite British sitcoms.
And we believe this film will be something extra special.

Character : Ash Ketchum Actor : Kathy Burke (Gimme Gimme Gimme) Why : Quite simply, the best at playing pre-pubescent/teenage boys are usually women. We chose Kathy primarily because her best known roll is that of teenage boy Perry in "Harry Enfield and Chums" and the subsequent film "Kevin and Perry Go Large", who along with teenager Kevin (Harry Enfield) made us laugh at teenage boys, their squeeky voices and their quest to get laid.... just once. Kathy would bring the problems and trials of being a boy into the character of Ash, as he tries to understand just what that feeling is in his pants everytime he sees Misty bend over.
	Character : Brock Actor : Rik Mayall (The Young Ones, Bottom, The New Statesman) Why : Well, Rik is very good at playing a hopelessly, desperate virgin. And an annoying bastard. And a pathetic wanker. And a hopeless loser. Perfect!! And it's masterbation jokes galore. So Rik as Brock would be fantastic. Brock tries his best (and only) pick up line on the "birds" and would probably get a slap or a thump. His cooking would be horrendous (burnt pudding, burnt beans, burnt sprouts, burnt fish fingers), and instead of getting an ear pulling from Misty, it would be an iron in the face or a swift kick to the nads.
Character : Misty Actor : Jennifer Saunders (Absolutely Fabulous, French and Saunders, Shrek 2) Why : She's funny. While American's may recognise her from Absolutely Fabulous as Edina, Jennifer is one of the most respected comedic actresses in England. Jennifer's Misty would be a loud little girl, a dizty red head and a little tart, whose underwear would forever get stuck up her crack while wearing those shorts, and would never fail to fall down while running (and probably into a cowpat).
	Character : May Actor : Dawn French (The Vicar of Dibley, French and Saunders) Why : She's funnier. Dawn French is the comedic partner of Jennifer Saunders and has been for many years, they have stared in their own skit show which is still running, but Dawn has proven she has a great knack for comedy. But why May? When you put Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French in a show together they are comedy gold, and the idea of having these two as Misty and May would be histerical as they bicker between eachother over Ash. She'd make May a cocky little shit who thinks she is hotter than she actually is, and who get's all her pokemon attack moves wrong or makes them up casuing her pokemon to have serious complexes.
Character : Max Actor : Michael Palin (Monty Python's Flying Circus, and lots of around the world stuff) Why : One of the pioneers of British Comedy in the 60s with Monty Python's Flying Circus, Michael is one of the funniest men ever to come out of Britain. He starred in one episode on the Flying Circus as a character called "Mr Pither" (pictured right) as an annoying little man with that trade mark whiney voice of his, and he became the only choice for Max. Palin would play Max as a content, yet utterly dull character who would talk to Ash and the crew and bore them silly with his pokemon facts, figures and stories while forever droning on and on and on and on and on and on...... Genius!
	Character : Jesse Actor : Miranda Richardson (Blackadder II, Sleepy Hollow) Why : She's perfect! Miranda is very good at playing caniving, heartless women with bubbly and brianless personalities, and Jesse is perfect for her. And Miranda's Jesse would be just that. She's act all virginal but in reality be a randy little tramp and would grab James at every oppertunity.......................... but only when Giovanni wasn't around.
Character : James Actor : James Dreyfus (Gimme Gimme Gimme, The Thin Blue Line) Why : If you've seen either of those shows you'd know why. Besides sharing the same first name, he terribly good at playing camp, and playing camp pretending to be butch. There would be no stopping him as he put all of his "Gimme Gimme Gimme" character (the gay Tom) into James GETCHA MINDS OUTTA THE GUTTER and we see a limp wristed Team Rocket James bound onto the screen, mince into the foreground, and dig into his theatrical wardrobe that he carries around with him and break out a new disguise/costume even when it isn't needed.
	Character : Meowth Actor : (Voice) Martin Clunes (Men Behaving Badly, Harry Enfield's Television Programme) Why : Martin is the consumate funny man. He has a very distinct voice but the reason he was cast, is because we would want him to voice Meowth with a sham mock-cockney accent instead of a Brooklyn one. Not proper cockney, we want this to be funny, so it would be a Londoner trying to do cockney and doing it badly. He'd attampt to keep Jesse and James under control but would prefer to be boozing it up at the pub or infront of the telly and then popping off down the chippie for some grub.
Character : Wobuffet Actor (voice) : Hugh Laurie (Blackadder III, Blackadder Goes Forth, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Jeeves and Wooster, House) Why : Before he became a surly doctor named House, he was a loonball airhead named George. In the classic series "Blackadder" he starred first as George Prince Regent and then later as Lieutenant George, a completely corny character who is abound with energy and enthusiasm and loud cries of "bravo!" and "hurrah!" That really is why we want him to voice Wobuffet. To understand you really have to see him in those roles to fully appreciate why his screaming of "Woba!!!" in a high pitched voice would be hilarious. He'd leap out, cry "Woba!" and send Team Rocket into shock nearly giving Jesse a heart attack and making James scream like a girl.
	Character : Giovanni Actor : Rowan Atkinson (Blackadder I-IV, Mr Bean, The Thin Blue Line) Why : While he is great at playing it funny, he is even better at playing it nasty (in a humerous way). His Character of Edumund Blackadder in parts II, III and IV was a surly, nasty bastard who took a lot of pleasure in making those beneath him feel terrible with strings of metaphores and the occasional slap. Rowan's Giovanni would have a soft spot for Jesse and they would have many a fun time, but it would never be love, and he would constantly break Jesse's heart by sending her on missions with a gay man to keep her "faithful" and then have his wicked way upon her return.
Character : Cassidy Actor : Samantha Janus (Game On) Why : She's sexy and she's funny. Samantha's best role was that of Mandy "Shagger" Wilkins in "Game On", a woman who lives with 2 hopeless guys in a flat, stuck in a dead end job, and who is desperatly surching for Mr Right, but shags a lot of other blokes along the way. Samantha would make a great Cassidy. Pit her up against Miranda as Jesse and it'd be great. Cassidy would flash her great figure around and brag she slept with Giovanni before Jesse did, infuriating her to no end. However, while she and Butch semi-succeed in their plans as usual, she keeps secret tabs on everything Jesse says, does and wears and attempt to better it. This leads to many great sight gags only the British can perfect.
	Character : Butch Actor : Ben Chaplin (Game On, The Truth About Cats and Dogs) Why : Despite some diasterous Hollywood turns, Ben can actually be funny. In "Game On" he starred with Samantha Janus as one of her flatmates, as the arrogant, egotistical, loser flatmate. The one who acted like a tough guy and who always tried to get into her knickers, and when he did, she was at work and came home to find him sleeping in her bed wearing them! Ben would bring that into Butch and hopefully give him some personality. Butch would peak in at her changing and she'd thump him. He try to touch her chest and she'd thump him. He'd........well you get the idea.

Character : Gary Actor : Adrian Edmonson (The Young Ones, Bottom, Filthy Rich and Catflap) Why : His character of Vyvyan in "The Young Ones" had a punk hairdo, that is the character you can see in the picture. And that is his real hair. There is no other choice. Adrian would look the best as Gary with a freakish do, and he can do a horrible raspy, loud voice that would be perfect. Adrian is well known for laying the smackdown on Rik Mayall in the tv series "Bottom" and verbally abusing him in "The Young Ones", so naturally here we expect Gary to almost ignore Ash and go straight for Brock.
	Character : Tracey Sketchitt Actor : Tony Slattery (Whose Line is it Anyway?, Just a Gigalo) Tony is a funny little man. A firm favourite from the British "Whose Line is it Anyway?", it was actually a toss up between him and Bob Mortimer. Tony won because he would make great as Tracey. Tony is very good at being a naughty, filty man and would put that into Tracey. It would actually be a contest as to who is the most pathetic, Tracey or Brock. While Brock is desperate for any girl, Tracey is just randy and will do anyone. In fact there becomes so much tottie he goes into an overload and ends up having a breakdown.
Character : Professor Oak Actor : Harry Enfield (Harry Enfield and Chums, Kevin & Perry Go Large, Churchill the Hollywood Years) Why : Harry Enfield is an extremely versatile comedic actor who performs skits as a number of memorable and eccentric characters. He was picked to play Oak because he is very good at playing old characters and randy characters, and randy, old characters. Plus his working with Kathy Burke would result in great gel between Ash and Oak. Harry's Oak would be perfect; he'd be embarassed when Ash would call on his phone while Delia is under the desk and would stutter and stumble his words, he'd play up the fact that he prefers Ash to Gary but would rather that Ash was never around in the first place.
	Character : Delia Ketchum Actor : Vicki Michelle ('Allo 'Allo) Why : If you've seen 'Allo 'Allo then you'd know why we picked Vicki Michelle. As the sultry French waitress in the long running sitcom, she'd be perfect as the spaced-out, crack-addicted, Oak-loving Delia. Vicki would take Delia to a whole new level, while forever "showing up" at Oak's lab while he is on the phone to Ash, or talking to her son while Oak just "happens" to come over to "fix the creak in the bed", she would do everything to shield her son from the secret affair, while not always remembering that Ash is actually her son.
Character : Pikachu Actor (Voice): John Cleese (Monty Python's Flying Circus, A Fish Called Wanda) Why : Pikachu, as you are all very well aware now, is French, a little Froggy of many physical comedic talents. Monsieur Cleese is fluent in French and so he was a natural choice. In this film Pikachu, or "Pee-ka-sheu", will have the ability to talk but in interior monologue like Garfield or Snoopy. And he will, time and time again, prove that he is smarter than Ash and his companions and will constantly verbally abuse them......which of course they cannot hear, and results him to slap his forehead with a "mon dieu!".
	Character : Narrator Actor : Eric Idle (Monty Python's Flying Circus, Splitting Heirs) Why : He's got the best narrator voice. If you've seen the Monty Python's Flying Circus episode with the skit "Wicker's World" from which the image was taken, or heard him voice over any of the Monty Python episodes, you will know what we mean. The narrator for this film will appear in person as in voice only making it a very surreal experience. With a very droaning voice, the narrator would interrupt many a scene in order to create a link to the next one so the producers can save money on expensive shots and camera angles.

The Plot :

The narrator opens the story with the kids on the road, travelling along aimlessly.
Brock is lamenting the fact that he failed again to "do it with a bird" at the last town they were in. And the one before that. And the one before that. Commiserating how if it keeps happening he'll probably go blind before he gets a chance to do it.
Tracey pulls out some nudey sketches he managed to take of nurse Joy back in town, and shows Brock who almost creams his pants and then tries to take it from him.
Misty is getting quite frustrated wither her shorts and top, complaining that they are too small now that they have been travelling for a few years. After forever pulling her undies out of her crack while walking along she tells Ash that she's will stop wearing underwear from now on.
Ash who, while trying to balance Pikachu on his head, hears misty but doesn't understand and is concentrating on finding a video phone at the next town so he can show Professor Oak all his new badges he has won.

The kids arrive at the next large town and Brock and Tracey disappear after previously betting the other which of them could get laid first.
Pikachu sees this an his opportunity to get some proper "cuisine" and insists Ash take him to the nearest "restaurante" or failing that a "patisserie" so he may purchase some "pan au chocolate". Ash usual, Pikachu's internal monologue is heard by no-one and he French rodent is forced to suffer in silence.

Ash and Misty make it to a Pokemon Centre where they find a video phone and make a call to Pallet Town. The call is instantly put through to Professor Oak who instantly shocked to the point of heart attack. While Ash regales Oak with his tales of victory, Oak is none to please to see Ash as just off camera Delia is going to work on his plumbing "downstairs" and it is hard for him to keep a straight face while talking to Ash, and hard to prevent Delia's head from bobbing up into frame.

Team Rocket have followed the kids into town, and are spying on them from afar. But Jesse is bored. The kids have had no exciting adventures or met any interesting Pokemon for ages and she hasn't copped off in weeks, or months, it's been so long she can't remember.
James, who is wearing a French waitress outfit for no apparent reason, warns Jesse to keep away from him because he hasn't had a decent nights sleep in weeks maybe months because he's been trying to fend off her advances. He threatens her that he will be buying himself a chastity belt.

While the three of them sit there in stake out mode, they are being watched from afar themselves by Butch and Cassidy. Cassidy, her telescope firmly fixed on Jesse, is telling Butch how 'pathetic' she is, how 'terrible' her uniform looks and that it would look much better on herself. Butch chimes up that he thinks Cassidy would look better with nothing on at all and get's a slap and is told, "shut up, you wanker".
She reminds him that Jesse is he enemy and she will not rest until Jesse is kicked out of Team Rocket. Then they get a call on the pager. Giovanni is in town and wants to see them all, immediately.

Thirty minutes later, Ash is still on the video phone to Oak and suddenly chimes up that he is coming back to Pallet Town and will be there in a few days. Oak cuts the conversation short and hangs up, then proceeds to tell Delia her son is coming back and they they need to think of another way to get rid of him.......after some more bonking of course.

Ash sits around waiting for Brock and Tracey to return and Misty sits complaining about all the walking she is doing and that she would prefer to be riding her bike, Pikachu waddles off and tries to climb through fence to get to the "patisserie" and finds himself stuck half way. "Sacre bleu!"
With many a curse in French at the fact that he has been riding around on Ash's hat and not walking off his chunky midsection, he wriggles and struggles to push himself out to no avail.

Meowth, walking along with Team Rocket, spots Pikachu in the fence and runs over to mock him in cockney rhyming slang the Pikachu does not understand. Jesse yells at Meowth to leave him alone because the boss is in town and she's horny, and that Pikachu, being a fat Frenchie, won't be going anywhere fast in that fence.

Ash and Misty manage to track down Brock who is hiding in the bushes because of a nasty trick by Tracey that left him without pants. A girl shows up with Brock's pants and introduces herself as May. Brock starts using his best (and only) pick up line on her, "may i say, that's a smashing blouse you have on", and winds up with a swift kick in the nads. May instantly takes a shine to Ash much to Misty's chagrin.

A boy then shows up, and explains that he is Max, which is spelt like Texas but without the "T" and replacing the "e" with and "a" and removing the last two letters and could be short for Maximilian but isn't and neither is it short for Maximum or Maximus or even Imax, and goes on and on and on before he gets to the point that he has found a friend of theirs, Tracey, who has gone into tottie overload and exploded.

Well not exploded, more like gone catatonic and needs to be taken to a doctor.......OR A PROFESSOR!!!

Ash suggests they take him to Professor Oak and ask's his new friends to come along. And only at that moment does he realise Pikachu is missing before he sees a fat yellow arse struggling to get out from between two fence posts.

Both Team Rockets meet up at Giovanni's suite at the Ritz Carlton and instantly begins the icy tension. Cassidy accuses Jesse of using illegal substances on her hair to get it to look like it does, to which Jesse responds with a remark that Cassidy was a crap shag. Butch becomes interested instantly and tries to get the girls to reenact the event just before Cassidy gives him a slap and tells him, "shut up, you wanker."
James, who is now wearing Jesse's sexy senorita outfit for no apparent reason, tries to get the girls to calm down and suggests that they all participate in an impromptu performance of "Cabaret", before a confused Butch asks him if he is a "girly, shirt-lifting tosspiece".

The girls continue to bicker and fight threatening to get the other kicked out of Team Rocket before Cassidy chimes up with the fact that she didn't have to sleep with Giovanni to get into Team Rocket because she is talented in other areas, namely brains.
Jesse strikes back with a statement that she has actually slept with Giovanni about 27 times because she is so talented in that area alone.
Giovanni enters the room, tells them all to be quiet, and asks to see J J & M first. Alone, Butch tries to cheer Cassidy up with a hug and tries to cop a feel of her breasts and gets a slap. He then says that if it will make her feel better, she can sleep with him because it will certainly make him feel better. He get's another slap and she tells him, "shut up, you wanker."

On the road back to Pallet with a catatonic Tracey, May begins her attempt at winning over Ash and making Misty look stupid any way possible.
Max takes over the cooking of the food which is a relief to all because Brock, while the eldest, burns everything and they have eaten only raw brussel sprouts and expired corn flakes with curdled milk for several days now. in fact it had infuriated Pikachu so much, he stuck his tail between Brock's legs while he was asleep and gave his nads a good zapping.

In order to seduce Ash, May keeps deliberately dropping items so she can bend over and pick them up. Without fail this panics Ash as he feels something wrong in his pants and has to keep running away crying.
Misty, not to be outdone, asks if she can hold his pokeballs, which has the same affect on the poor boy, who has no idea why these feelings are happening.
These tribulations happen all the way back to Pallet. May eats a sausage very seductively sending Brock into the bushes for a quick one off the wrist, and makes Ash's pants tighten making him cry, "I feel funny!"
Misty pours the water down her body to cool off sending Brock into the bushes for a quick one off the wrist, and makes Ash's pants tighten making him cry, "I feel funny!".

Upon their return to Pallet they are met by Gary who immediately head butts Ash and makes for Brock whom he punches in the stomach before walking off.

The narrator brings us back to Giovanni's suite and we see him in bed with Jesse after a session of furious lovemaking. He lights a cigarette without offering one to her and begins to comment about how great in bed he is. He proceeds to tell her that if she wasn't such a sure thing, she and her "girlfriend James" would be out of Team Rocket.
Speaking of which he has some business to attend to and promptly dresses and leaves.

Jesse relaxes back on the bed when Wobbuffett bursts out of his pokeball with an astute "WOBA WOBA WOBA WOBA WOBA WOBA!!!", James, now dressed as a cheerleader, and Meowth barge in the room fighting over a doughnut. Jesse screams at them to all get out because she is in the buff and needs to get changed.
Giovanni takes aside Cassidy and Butch into his Planning of Evil Schemes room and reveals to them his plot for the conquering all of the British isles and claiming the Throne.....ahhh he means the Japanese islands and claiming the emperorship.

Ash arrives home to his mum who at first doesn't recognise him but instantly hugs Pikachu who demands she make him "un cafŽ au lait".
Brock tries his best (and only) pick up line on Delia who is stoned and mistakes him for Mr Mime and gives him the broom. Professor Oak suddenly shows up, surprised to see Ash, who explains that they need him to look at Tracey. He tells Ash to take Tracey to his lab because he has come over to "fix the faulty mattress" in Delia's room and promptly darts upstairs with her.

Jesse, James, dressed in in a sequined ball gown, and Meowth are floating along in the balloon with Wobbuffett singing gleefully "WOBAAAA WOBAAAA WOBAWOBAA WOBAAA WOBAAA" over and over.
Meowth using the binoculars spots the twerps in Pallet Town and they take the balloon down. They find Gary crushing cans with his head, and leap out threaten him to tell them where Ash is. Gary yells at them with an "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", whips out his pokeballs and hurls them at Team Rocket, knocking Meowth out cold and then chases Jesse and James down the street.

Ash and his team drop Tracey off at Oak's lab and Brock accidentally stumbles on Oak's private room of decadence. He grabs himself a pile of dirty mags, a handful of filthy videos and locks himself in with the hand cream and tissues.
Butch and Cassidy are in town too, and Cassidy has now cut her uniform to look more like Jesse's which is making Butch randy, but he can't understand why, if Giovanni wan'ts them to be in Viridian City emptying the deadly viruses into the country's water supply are they in Pallet Town chasing Jesse and James. She tells him to shut up and drags him to search for some red hair dye.

Ash, Misty and May return to Ash's house for some snacks and TV. Noises of Oak and Delia shagging are erupting from upstairs but they seem to go unnoticed by the kids who sit and talk about pokemon.
Max tries to interest the trio with tales of the time he found a pokemon with scurvy. Pikachu has found his way into the pantry and is sitting eating the meringues and the tomato sauce.
Delia and Oak come downstairs and surprised to see Ash explain that the mattress is okay but the shower is faulty and so is the pool table, the spa, the back seat of the car, and Ash's bed too and that her and Oak will be checking them all.

Jesse and James, who is dressed as a construction worker, have managed to lose Gary, retrieving Meowth, return to the balloon for a rest. There they see Wobbuffett sitting on a tree stump eating apples and singing. He sees his beloved Jesse and shouts for joy as he runs up to give her a hug. She pushes him away and lies down for a rest and promptly falls asleep.
At the same time Butch and Cassidy, now with red hair, are wandering around Pallet Town, Butch carrying vials of deadly viruses, is worried about what Giovanni will do to them if they don't complete their mission. Cassidy, sick of his whining, offers him sexual favours if he helps her first.

Ash is sitting on his couch watching TV between Misty and May who are both trying to cozy up to him. Max will not stop talking about his trip across the countryside on a bicycle especially the time a snorlax ate his bicycle and how he had to wade through 900 kilos of snorlax poo to find it.
The girls begin fighting and end up on the floor tearing at each other's hair and clothes, which start coming off. Ash suddenly proclaims, "I feel funny" and hastily leaves the room.
Brock shows up looking out of breath and sweaty and seeing the two girls on the floor tearing their clothes off, starts feeling funny himself and runs away again.
Max doesn't even notice the scene and keeps talking about how he was hypnotised by a hypno into thinking he was a magicarp, and how he found a man who thought he could make rock pokemon fly by pushing them out of aeroplanes and how......

Butch and Cassidy spot Jesse and James, dressed as a traffic cop, while they are snoozing and ambush them. Jesse promptly tells Cassidy she looks like a tramp which sends her into a rage and the two girls are at each other's throats. Wobbuffett starts hitting Cassidy, Butch strangles Wobbuffett and Meowth scratches Butch. James stands off to the side and does the YMCA.
Suddenly Giovanni appears in his helicopter, he breaks up the fight, tells them all someone has informed on him to the authorities and he is fleeing the continent. He says he'll take one person with him and grabs Cassidy mistaking her for Jesse and leaves. Butch can't believe his rotten luck and Jesse despairs that she will never get a shag again. A moment of silence passes between the two and then they run off into the bushes together for a bit of rumpy-pumpy leaving James, Meowth and Wobbuffett to muse over the days events.

Ash finds that the girls have decided that he is not worth fighting over and have both gone off with Gary, who promised to show them his little Oak. Tracey awakes from his catatonic state and, arriving at the house is seen by Oak who has taken a break from fixing the creak in the linen closet with Delia, and invites him to help look at the problem with the sauna out the back.
Pikachu waddles out of the pantry, now full of pastries and cakes burps before he rolls over and goes to sleep in a bowl of pasta.
Ash is left alone in the lounge with Max who continues to rabbit on about absolute bollocks until Ash punches him in the face.
The narrator enters the screen and closes the film and the credits roll.

Tim & Lex's take on this :

If this film is not made heads will roll.

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